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Many of the tips we are going to give you focus on the "mouth". This is because our tongues are often times the origin of the conflict. Proverbs 18:21 says "the tongue has the power of life and death..." So with that being the case, we figured it was warranted to include it more than once.
Also, we incorporated Bible scriptures for many of our tips because as children of God we are to live by the word of God.
1. Calm down. If you need to take a walk, do that. If you need to pray, do that. If you need to go to a quiet place, do that. Whatever you need to do in order to calm down, do it. When you are angry, it's difficult to think clearly. If you are not thinking clearly, it is impossible to have an adult conversation. "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
2. Ephesians 4:29. "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." No matter how angry you get, stay in control of your mouth. Once you open your mouth gate and let the words out, you can't take them back.
3. No Yelling. Have you ever noticed that when someone whispers, you tend to whisper back, and when someone yells, you yell back? Make it a rule that you will not yell at one another no matter how angry you are. Yelling is like spitting darts with your mouth; it's painful not just for your mate but also for your children who are listening, whether you think they are or not.
4. Resolve Your Conflicts Quickly. Ephesians 4:26 "And "don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry." Marinate your chicken over night; never marinate your spirit in anger over night. This kind of marinating does not tenderize, in fact, it does just the opposite it hardens your heart. So never tell yourself "I'm going to sleep on it" because when you wake up you will be just as angry as you were when you went to bed if not more so.
5. Really Listen to Your Spouse. Sometimes when we are in the middle of a disagreement, we don't listen to the other person; we wait for our turn to talk. You've been there, while your partner is talking, you're busy thinking about what you will say next. This is not active listening and you will never reach a resolution if you are not really listening to what your spouse is saying.
6. Empathize. This means to put your self in the shoes of the other person. As hard as it may be, try to see the situation from their prospective. If you really make an effort to do this, you will begin to understand how they feel.
7. Stay on Topic. Don't bring up unrelated events in order to help make your point. Stick to the issue at hand. You only muddy the waters when you keep adding more and more dirt. Stay focused. Stay on topic!
8. Kind Communication. Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." Don't use your words to cut your spouse. That's equivalent to throwing gasoline onto a burning house. You will only make the situation worse.
9. Don't be Judgmental. "And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own?" Matthew 7:3. Keep in mind that neither you nor your spouse is perfect. So while they may anger you or disappoint you from time to time, it's a two way street. You have just as many flaws as they do, so avoid the urge to judge them.
10. You Must Forgive. "But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" Matthew 6:15. This is not optional. It makes no difference what your spouse has done. If you want your Heavenly Father to forgive you, than you must extend forgiveness to others.
Wanda J. Collins encourages you to seek the heart of God concerning your Christian marriage. When you seek the Lord with all of your heart, you will find Him. When you submit yourself to Him, He will direct your path. He will provide the answers you need to transform your relationship. I invite you to visit Christian Marriage Today where you can receive free marriage advice and the answers to many of your marital questions.
